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My Kids Don’t Like Star Wars

They taunt me with their photos on Facebook. Friends’ children wearing Darth Vader masks, Leia costumes and joyfully sat in front of the TV watching a lightsabre duel. I am reminded daily of a single inalienable truth.

My kids don’t like Star Wars.

Those who know me are aware that the sole reason I had kids was to have someone to watch those films with and how much this makes me sad. (I’m joking, of course. “Too much wine at a family barbecue” is the actual reason I had kids)

Maybe it’s my fault. Perhaps I tried to introduce them to it to early and the damage was done then. Maybe it’s George Lucas’s fault (The first 20 minutes of A New Hope do drag a bit, George. Why would someone even build a protocol droid that annoys the shit out of everyone he talks to?)

I’ve tried everything to interest them. Even explaining to them how, rather than being cute and fluffy and lame, Ewoks are hardcore war criminals.

Come on. They eat their prisoners. Five minutes after capturing them, they’re trying to cook Han, Luke and Chewbacca. The dress Leia wears in the Ewok village probably came from the last person they had round for dinner.

Still, there’s something sad about a 43-year-old man owning more Star Wars merchandise than his children.

But, actually, it comes down to the one mantra my kids repeat:

“Dad likes it. It must be rubbish.”

Before kids come along, you always think you’re going to be the Cool Dad, that they’ll regard you as some hybrid of Steve McQueen, Joey Ramone and Evel Knievel. But you can’t be. Because you’re their dad. By the virtue of their existence, you’ve become an older generation and become slightly less relevant.

In fact, they have no idea who Steve McQueen, Joey Ramone and Evel Knievel are. (Though Kid C is a bit partial to “Blitzkrieg Bop”)

It’s the same with music. They’re always telling me to turn that racket down, which I’m pretty sure is not how that particular social transaction should work. And the stuff they listen to these days. I don’t know what that’s all about. It’s got a melody. You can actually hear the lyrics. It was all just a noise in my day and it was brilliant.

I think my favourite episode of The Simpsons is Homerpalooza, when Homer realises that he’s become totally out of touch with pop culture. Of course, the irony is that my kids regard all the “cool bands” that I like in that episode as hilariously old-fashioned. Me listening to Sonic Youth is the 2019 version of 1996’s Homer listening to Grand Funk Railroad.

But when you do manage to show them something you love and they love it too and they think maybe – just maybe – dad knows what he’s talking about… Those shared moments are everything.

And it’s something I try to remember when they look at me with pity when I put the Stone Roses on and air-guitar my way around the kitchen.

Me and Han off for a cheeky Nando’s

5 Comments

  1. Jan Baxter says:

    Very true. But I force fed my child with Bon Jovi, and my mother force fed her with old Hollywood musicals…and she still loves both!

  2. Pamela Austin says:

    My license plate is MLFALCN and has been since I was 16. I am huge Star Wars fan and always have been. My children, when they were young and smelly, were not fans. Now that they are old (and still smelly) they have come to appreciate and even love Star Wars. My daughter bought her first car and her license plate is LEIA. So, there is hope for the future. May the Force be with them.

    1. mrdaveturner says:

      Ha! Excellent stuff! Yeah, I still don’t hold out much hope. Daughter recently agreed to watch Episode IV but was asleep by the half-way mark…

  3. Paul says:

    Not a great star wars fan either but I bought my kids up(well the 1st one mainly as 6 year difference) on 70s crap I used to watch, Jaime & the Magic Torch, Dr Who(the 70s ones before the 2005 revamp) and my love of Deep Purple….sadly he rebelled and now thinks he’s Jimi Hendrix, dresses like him and listens to obscure hippy music from the 60s…

    We can but try with kids but they’ll always be they’re own person eventually…the youngest is a punk rock drummer….

    1. mrdaveturner says:

      Oh man. Jamie and the Magic Torch. I always tried to skive off school on Fridays so I could watch it. Best. Theme. Tune. Ever.

      And, yeah, it’s incredible watching them grown up to be these amazing humans.

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